Let’s Talk About “JEALOUSY”

I am feeling jealous right now. That’s why I have decided to write this article. It is rare but I want to try it. This is a new challenge for me. The question is why am I jealous? Maybe I can share the reason why. Two or 3 days ago, I read a news article about my Idol, G-Dragon. Yeah, he has a relationship with one of the artists and a model from Japan, Kiko. I don’t know why, but as a fan, I am jealous. They look good together but I don’t know why, I think, it is not just a good time to announce something like that. Looking back, a week ago, YG Entertainment announced that Taeyang and one of their models have a relationship. Oh My God, I am one of their fans who is really in acute shock. How does something like that happen? Don’t ask me, really. I don’t have any idea. So, I googled and I found some information that I hope can reduce my jealousy. It is so embarrassing for me. But, I think this is how beautiful and unique human emotion is. You must feel it first and find a way to handle it. This is part or your life, your emotion. Let’s talk about that.

jealousy

What is jealousy?
Jealousy is an emotion, and the word typically refers to the thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, concern and anxiety over an anticipated loss or status of something of great personal value, particularly in reference to a human connection or relationship. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness and disgust.
Jealousy is a typical experience in human relationships. It has been observed in infants five months and older. People do not express jealousy through a single emotion or a single behavior. They instead express jealousy through diverse emotions and behaviors, which makes it difficult to form a scientific definition of jealousy. All the definitions of jealousy share two basic themes. First, all the definitions imply a triad composed of a jealous individual, a partner, and a perception of a third party or rival. Second, all the definitions describe jealousy as a reaction to a perceived threat to the relationship between two people, or a dyad. Jealous reactions typically involve aversive emotions and/or behaviors that are assumed to be protective for their attachment relationships.

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How it does feels jealousy?
When we feel jealous, we tell ourselves a story. We tell ourselves a story about other people’s lives. These stories make us feel terrible because they are designed to make us feel terrible. As the teller of the tale and the audience, we know just what details to include digging that knife in. Jealousy makes us all amateur novelists.
Jealousy isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s human nature. It’s natural to feel jealous from time to time. Jealousy becomes problematic “when we act out in jealousy or we wallow in it. It becomes problematic when it starts to consume you and “creeps” into every aspect of your life.

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How to handle your jealous feeling?
So, the question is how can I deal with my jealousy?. Honestly, I don’t want to hurt my friends, my idol and basically, I don’t want to hurt anybody. These are suggests from any other resources about handling the jealousy. Let’s take a look.

Assess yourself
If you’re in a secure and solid relationship, and you’re still feeling jealous, look at yourself and explore your own experiences. People who developed secure attachments in their early years – between themselves and their caregivers – tend to be less jealous and dependent, have higher self-esteem and have less feelings of inadequacy than people with an insecure attachment style. You can do it by recognize your jealousy. When we named the jealousy, it loses its power, because we are no longer letting it shame us. Acknowledging that you’re jealous opens the door to learning and understand the emotion of jealousy. A combination of fear and anger, jealousy is fed by the fear of losing someone (or a cherished situation/state of affairs) and anger that someone else is “moving in” on the person or situation that is of value to you personally. It’s a destructive and ignoble emotion and nothing good can come of it, so recognition of its occurrence is your number one self-defense. Next, Deconstruct why you feel jealous in the first place. From a place of self-compassion, try to figure out why you’re feeling jealous. Often jealousy is about reliving an experience of failure from the past that continues to inform your level of trust (or lack thereof) toward people in the present, even though current conditions may be vastly different. Other motivators for feeling jealous include: a high level of insecurity, anger toward yourself and fear of abandonment or vulnerability. If you’re honest with yourself, you will realize that feeling jealous often rears its head at the same time you feel threatened, afraid of being abandoned or when you feel you just cannot trust the other person, no matter how little basis your lack of trust has. However, this shouldn’t be about finding nothing but fault with yourself––being compassionate about your self-assessment is an essential part of staying objective about the green eyed monster.

Learn from your jealousy.
We can use feelings of jealousy as inspiration to grow. For instance, you realize that the reason you get jealous every time your friend plays her guitar is because that’s also something you’d like to do. Rather than wallowing in that jealousy, you sign up for guitar lessons.
The ignoble, negative emotions have a role in our lives, one of teaching each of us how to be a better person for struggling and overcoming them. They have a place, just not one that controls you and excuses poor behavior.
Manage your emotions healthfully.

Practice mindfulness to calm your runaway emotions. Tune into your body to identify how you’re feeling, take several deep breaths and try to detach from the intensity of those emotions. You also can try to journaling, dancing to your favorite music and taking a walk. Bear in mind at all times that feelings of jealousy are about you, not about the other person. Any sense that things are out of control means that you need to transfer the intensity of what you’re feeling into something constructive rather than continuing to over-analyze the relationship (or situation). For example, get involved in a sport, some exercise, a hobby or participating in volunteer work. Do something that takes you out of yourself and causes you to focus beyond the relationship or situation and gives you an outlet for your emotions that is healthier than ruminating and raising suspicions. All this doesn’t mean escaping from putting two and two together. You also can try to Apologize. Before doing anything else, make the other person feel better if you’ve gone far enough to expose your jealous emotions around him or her. Realize that by not apologizing, you are in actual effect seeking to punish the other person for your feelings. The act of apologizing in itself shouldn’t be lengthy or complicated––the fact that you do apologize will help begin to break the cycle. Simply make a conscious decision to stop indulging in suspicions and say to the other person something like: “I’m sorry for asking those questions of you. I’ve had some silly jealous thoughts that have caused me to imagine what isn’t there.” This will often be sufficient to give both of you the space to discuss what has just taken place––recognition of your poor behavior and the need to be more open together about what you’re going through.

Take notice of which part of your body is affected. Fear is often felt as a dropping or clutching sensation in your stomach, while anger often manifests itself as a burning, tight sensation in your shoulders and jaw. As well, it’s not unusual to feel both fear and anger at the same time, bringing forth all of the bodily impacts mentioned. Noticing bodily sensations can be a telltale signal for you to start changing how you’re thinking and to question the jealous feelings.

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Change any false beliefs that might be fueling your jealousy. There are often false, baseless beliefs that underlie reactions of jealousy. If you examine the belief, you can often eliminate the jealousy. Some common underlying beliefs without basis include “Everyone is out to get my money” or “If this person leaves me, I won’t have any friends.” In both cases, these are generalizations that could never be applied to every person you know or meet. In fact, these are pre-emptive defenses against the potential of something bad happening to you. Beliefs are changeable by choice. If you change your belief, you change the way you feel. Choose to tell yourself a belief that is nurturing and supportive, and you’ll feel better. If you think it’s better to think negatively, ask yourself what possible benefit that brings you over thinking more healthily––thoughts create emotions and you have the choice to make the thoughts negative or positive. When you begin taking steps to creating a happy and fulfilling life for yourself, you will find the anger and the fear easier to manage, removing the fuel for the jealous feelings.
Be aware that your thoughts can happen so quickly that you don’t even realize consciously that you’ve had a negative thought. Developing greater awareness of your thoughts and what triggers them is a large part of tackling the problem.

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Communicate your feelings and dialog about your jealousy problem together.
Sharing your true feelings with the affected person and talking it through can be a very cathartic and constructive way to start mending the damage done. It can also be a way of creating an ally, someone who will feel able to point out when you make unreasonable jealous demands on him or her without expecting comeback.

Let it go.
Tell yourself that you don’t need this emotion in your life, and you’re relinquishing it. Breathe deeply, and imagine it flowing through you like the wind. Repeat as often as it takes to truly let it go.

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Trust yourself.
Trust begins at home, with yourself. If you learn to trust yourself, you can radiate this trust onto others. Begin by making a list of all your good points. Stick this list up somewhere that you can see it regularly, to remind yourself that you’re fully equipped with great talent, skills and features already. Moreover, only compare yourself to yourself, always seeking to outdo your last achievement without worrying what other people are doing. Remind yourself daily through a journal, affirmations or other effective way that you have what it takes, like the song goes, to be fulfilled in life. Practicing healthy thinking must be a daily, recurring action––that’s why it involves constant practice. In time, the healthier thinking processes will take over the destructive ones and help you to become a whole person, resilient, capable and not prone to jealous thoughts.
Work on relevant aspects of your self-esteem if you feel it’s lacking. When you have more confidence in yourself, you’ll be less likely to feel jealous. Read some self-help books on jealousy, you’ll feel you’re getting your grips on that mean, insidious emotion.

So, to conclude all of this you must take a good time to deal with all of it. Jealousy is an emotion, you can run from it but you can face it with very beautiful and productive ways. You just open yourself for help and other changes of life. Right?

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The Information above is come from these addresses:

  1. Anonym(2015). Jealousy. From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jealousy. On June 8, 2015.
  2. http://blog.ted.com/9-memorable-manic-moments-of-jealousy-in-literature/
  3. Tartakovsky,M (2015). 8 Healthy Ways to Deal with Jealousy. http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/03/04/8-healthy-ways-to-deal-with-jealousy/. On June, 14 2015
  4. http://www.wikihow.com/Handle-Jealousy on June, 14 2015.
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